Life Is Strange

How is it that life, things, everything around you can change in the blink of an eye? Miracles happen every day, you know. Things you never thought possible can happen. And suddenly, you get a second chance. And what do you do with it? Run? Stay? You try. Because you only live once. That's it. Just once. And you need to live while you're alive. So, I will live. And love. And hope. And....Beleive.

You Can Only Control Yourself

It's a flaw (or characteristic, if you prefer) of everyone walking this earth: Pride, Control of one's own life, Control over others' lives. Yea. We all want to do that. Because we are only human. And in the end, the smart ones figure out the only one you can control...is yourself. Reactions to what people say; what people do; that's all up to you. You can't control what they think; what they decide. It's their life, after all. And besides, how much would you like it if someone were trying to do that to you? Even if that someone loved you? You'd pull away even further, wouldn't you? Two people can walk into the same situation and come out with totally different viewpoints on the matter. Funny how that works. But it's all about choice. It's all about choice. And what happens when you don't know how to make the choice? What happens when you really don't know what to do? What happens when everything around you says "It's gone now"? What happens when everyone around you says "It's gone now"? What happens when your head, your gut, your intellect says "You know, they're right, and you know it, too". What happens when your heart, your emotions, your promise to stick it out through thick and thin disagrees with logic? What happens when a promise falls through? Who are we really upset with? Who are we really disappointed with and abandoned by? Them?...Or our own self? Therein lies the problem. Do we try to "logic" ourselves out of things? Is that how it works? Do we just go around looking at everything we don't want to deal with and say "I don't give a shit?" Isn't that why people get divorced? And how to we do that without becoming rock hard and cold? How does anyone ever get through our own self-built walls again? "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything at all and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." ~ C. S. Lewis I don't want to end up like that. I don't want Mr. Lewis to be right. I was like that a long long time ago. I told myself being alone is fine. This is good. As good as it gets. I'll settle for this. And I would get lonely. I had my little hobbies and luxuries to keep my mind busy. But always, in the back of my mind, want this constant nagging: But You Are Alone. Humans are social creatures. Even the most private and introverted of us long, crave, hope for someone to confide in; someone to trust; someone to hold; someone to get old with. We hold out the belief that there is someone out there; someone just for us. And then we turn around and break down that hope with lies; with logic. We exist. We do not live. We merely exist. We stop looking. We stop hoping. We just exist. And then, one day, someone appears out of the blue. Unexpected. It's like a whirlwind. And then they are gone. And you don't realize what just happened to you until they are gone. I know this is the way of life; the craving of the soul. And no, I do not believe "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I think that is pure BS. To be left alone, still loving; still wanting someone who doesn't want you: that's cruel. To have changed your life (for yourself, of course) to be better for them and then to have all your hopes, all your dreams dashed: that's cruel. And I don't understand it. One time in my life. ONE. I gave it my all. I tried harder than I had ever tried before. I believed on faith alone that this was it. Now it's gone. But for me, it's not. Because I gave it everything I had. And they still have; still own a part of my soul. And part of me is dying... So it all comes back to the fact that you can't control what other people do. You can only control yourself. You either choose to love, or you choose not to love. Or you will die. And I can't choose to not love this person I miss. I can't choose to move on, as they say. I can't choose to forget. And I don't want C. S. Lewis to be right....