Learning The Meaning Of Irony

I know the meaning of the word. I just hate living through the situations that come up that it applies to.
Am I "well" yet? Probably not. Am I "feeling better"? Um, yea. I guess so.
Do I still love her? Do I still miss her? Hell yes, I do.
Will I most likely forever? Yep.
Will I meet someone one of these days that will distract my attention?
God in Heaven. If I'm lucky.
Will she be Toni? No.
Will I want her to be Toni? No.

Just like Toni found in my absence,
her happiness,
So, too, shall I find mine.

This is as positive as I can get at the moment.
There is hope in these words if you look very hard and read between the lines.
I will survive.
This, too, shall pass.

Under Pressure

There are things people will do under the pressure of competition that they wouldn't normally do.....

and sometimes...

sometimes.


They Break.

Psychosis Part 2

Yep. Still got it.

She'll be back. She's got some stuff to work out right now, some things to prove, but she'll be back.
She loves me. She'll realize that.
I give her a couple months, maybe.
She'll come back.
And I'll be waiting.

Because I believe this is true.
I absolutely believe with all my heart that this is true.

We are meant to be together.
We will have a happy ending together.

...And it would appear...I have completely lost my mind...

Crying

I woke up at 3:00am crying.
Just sobbing. It was awful.
I was sad. Very very sad.
But I'm not sure about what.
Her? Am I sad about her?

In The Blink Of A Text

Friday, March 16, 2012

Me: How are you?

Her: Leave me alone. do not continue to try and make contact.

Me: Why are you doing this? baby, i love you...

Her: We are done. stop this now. it will not change. get past it. do not harass me.

Me: Who is she?

Her: Leave me the fuck alone or i will call and file a restraining order. act like an adult. Relationships fail.

Her: If u want me to get a restraining order i will. the choice is yours on if you keep harassing me.

Me: [Name], I didn't respond after last text. Why did you respond twice? i didnt text back.

Her: Any more attempts at contact will result in me filing for a restraining order.

*********
Two weeks prior to this she was confiding in me regarding her aunt's death and wanted me to go to the memorial...
Last Sunday, I get a text saying "it's over" out of the blue. No explanation.
Now, on Friday, I received the conversation posted here. Not even a voice on the phone. Only a text.

She kept me hanging on for a year and a half.
She made me believe things would be ok.
All the while, she was searching for someone new.
Another lover.
To take my place.
Because.

Because I'm not special. Not to anyone.
Never have been. Never will be.

"Make believing we're together; that I'm sheltered by your heart.
But in the night time, I turn to water like a teardrop in your palm...."

No need for a restraining order. I'll be dead by the time you file it.
That is, unless I fail again, which seems to be my track record.
I love you....